Antagonist: “God is good, huh?” [insultingly as he triumphs over the protagonist]

Eli (protagonist): “All the time.” [sincerely, despite bleak circumstances]

“God is good, all the time.” God has given me wisdom to defeat my pride, which tells me to reject God’s grace in favor of earning my right to be ‘on His good side’, so to speak. I’ve been remarkably able to humble myself and ask God for His forgiveness and He’s been quick to give it. He is good, all the time.

A lot of my defeats center around a lack of discipline. Failure to abstain from anger and pride. Failure to get up early and spend time with God. Failure to spend time with God in favor of video games or other hobbies. Failure to view my life and resources as tools to be used for God to further His kingdom. Failure to honor God by making Him and His kingdom the most important thing in my life.

New Topic.

One of my favorite verses lately has been Matthew 3:9. John T. Baptist is talking to the Pharisees and Sadducees about the wrath of God. Okay, ‘talking’ is an understatement, ‘scolding’ is better. Essentially, the Pharisees and Sadducees are behaving as if they are untouchable by God because a long time ago God promised Abraham many descendants (some of which are the Pharisees and Sadducees) and so God can’t destroy them. John says this: “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. And do no think you can say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our father.’ I tell you that out of these stones, God can raise up children for Abraham.” In other words, God doesn’t need us. He’s not at our mercy. He truly is all mighty. Omnipotent. God doesn’t owe us, he allows us to participate in His work–he’s not obligated to us. He’s God, we are (wo)men. He is Holy, we are dirty.

New Topic.

It drives me crazy when I hear Christian people insulting and disrespecting our President or complaining about him, etc. Or at least it bothers me when they do that and then use the Bible to make a point. The Bible is extremely clear that we are to respect those God has placed in authority over us. Romans 13:1-2 (titled “Submission to the Authorities”) says:

Everyone must sibmit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have ben established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.

The Bible makes no exception for leaders with whom we disagree or those of a certain political affiliation. The leaders God endorses aren’t the leaders we want, they are the leaders that are currently in power. Whether they lead well or not is between them and God. We needn’t fear ‘bad’ leaders because God is willing and mighty to deliver we from their wrath or inadequacies if we trust in Him. It’s called faith. We are kidding ourselves when we justify our rebellion.

Biblically, the only times God is okay with rebellion against authority is when he orders it, or when the authority commands us [followers of God] to break God’s own commands. God gives David permission to slay Saul (Saul is chasing David, trying to kill him), but David refuses because Saul is the Lord’s anointed. Saul is a terrible leader, but David doesn’t use it as an excuse to kill him and take the kingdom God promised to him. He’s content having faith that God will deliver him from Saul and give him the kingdom in His own time. In Daniel 3, the Babylonian king commands all those under him to worship an idol, and when some of his Jewish subjects refuse, he orders them thrown into the furnace. They are perfectly submissive to him in all things that are sacrificial to them, but they refuse to sacrifice the honor that belongs to God. Read Daniel 3, it’s great and it’s short. Read Daniel 6 for more on obedience to bad rulers.

The core of my frustration is the hypocrisy that we have, using our religion when it benefits us, but not when its costly to us. Our actions say that God’s commands are less important than our financial well-being. We are staining the Gospel of Jesus Christ through association. As it is written, “God’s name is blasphemed among the Gentiles because of you.” (Romans 2:24). This could easily read, “Our hypocrisy is why the non-believers don’t take God or this Gospel seriously, to the point of blasphemy” for this generation. Read the context and tell me if I’m wrong.

We behave as if God can’t save us from heavy taxes or something. Yeah, it might be bad economic policy but God is bigger than the economy. I promise. Jesus says if we have faith, we can ask for anything in His name and it will be given. He doesn’t say, “anything except for taxes, God’s not powerful enough to compensate for taxes”. He actually says, “render unto Caesar what belongs to Caesar and unto God what is God’s.” And to the best of my knowledge, no where in the Bible is it okay to complain about our circumstances. Complaining is the surest sign of a lack of faith.

This is faith:

So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’. For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” – Matthew 6:31-33

Did you catch that promise? I bolded it for you. Put God’s kingdom and righteousness before your worries for yourself and God will resolve your worries for you. Have faith. Trust in God. You don’t need to worry and complain about your leadership because God is big enough to supplement you. If you are concerned about being too heavily taxed, just obey God by obeying your leadership and God will take care of you. He knows your needs before you ask him.

Alright, that’s enough ranting for now. Enjoy the weekend. Peace.

Rachel has the coolest room ever. You can't see much of it here, so take my word for it.

Yesterday (Saturday) Rachel and I made plans to hang out. For a while, Rachel has always been more of an acquaintance (she went on the Kenya trip with Heath and Kristen over spring break) insofar as I see her around everywhere and she knows everyone I know, but somehow we’ve avoided hanging out. Until now. After I moved into my new place, we spent the day hanging out, playing with her pet hedgehog (female, named Chewbacca), taking pictures, talking, creek-stomping, walking, talking, driving, birthday-party-crashing, shopping, fridge-raiding, and, oh yeah, talking.

I had a lot of fun and I really enjoyed getting to know Rachel a little bit better. She’s a great girl and I’m sure I’ll get to see more of her this school year.

From a photographical perspective, I learned a lot in this shoot. First of all, I need to figure out light-metering on my camera. A lot of the shots I took were really washed out by even indirect sunlight. Secondly, I have a bit more experience dealing with the inevitable awkwardness that can be asking people to take pictures and I’m a tiny bit more confident. Thirdly, I have a little bit more experience taking pictures of people and all that entails (posing, generally composing the picture, finding good facial expression, etc). Fourthly, I used my nifty-fifty a lot: love the depth of field for portraits. Fifthly, I got a lot of experience with post-processing (figuring out when to use which photoshop techniques and generally how to compensate for the difference between what I see in the viewfinder and what was actually captured on the sensor) and generally refining my workflow.

All in all, I took quite a few pictures that I’m proud of. They’re over on my Flickr. Feel free to check them out. Here’s a link to the whole set from this shoot: Link!

Thanks for reading!

The real value in the OT (to me, right now, at least) is in understanding the Holiness of God. Understanding that He is sovereign above everything and everyone and he is deserving of respect and reverence and fear. It seems strange, but you start to fear God–and rightfully so.

I spent sooooo much time in the OT that I more-or-less forgot about Jesus and his teachings and his death and resurrection. I didn’t literally forget it, but I stopped believing in Him in how I lived my life. I began to have the same fear as people in the OT: I’m not righteous enough. God’s expectations are too high. I can’t live up. I freaked out and for a few weeks, didn’t touch my Bible.

Then I recently picked it back up. I read some of Paul’s Epistles. I read some of the Gospels and one of Peter’s letters. Repeatedly.

To be honest, reading Paul right after the OT didn’t do much to quell my fears. Paul only needed to be told once (albeit audibly) to change his life and he did. And then he was pretty much perfect and didn’t mess up or require rebuking (I’m sure this isn’t entirely true, but it is my impression based on the Bible’s evidence). Eff. I can’t do that. I haven’t done that. I biff it all the time. I get scared and hide. I suck at trials.

Then I read the Gospels and one of Peter’s letters. (this is where the context ends and the point begins):

I identify with Peter. In the Gospels (and even a few times in Acts) Peter thinks he has everything all figured out and that he’s good to go. And then Jesus (or Paul, in Acts) rebukes him and probably makes him feel a little foolish. Humbled for sure. Here are a few tales about Peter (from memory, may not be exact):

• 70 times 7: in Jewish tradition, a man has to forgive his brother who sins against him 3 or 5 times (somewhere in there). Peter thinks he’ll impress Jesus by raising the bar and asks him, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus says, “Not 7 but 70 times 7.”
• Peter rebukes Jesus: Jesus is preaching that the Son of Man must suffer and be rejected and killed, and Peter rebukes Jesus. Then Jesus rebukes Peter saying, “Get behind me, Satan!” in front of the disciples.
• Peter jumps out of the boat to walk on the water with Jesus and almost drowns (to his credit, he succeeded for a brief period of time).
• Peter cuts off the ear of one of the men who come to arrest Jesus and Jesus rebukes him saying, “Put your sword away! Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?”
• When Jesus is resurrected and the disciples see him from the boat, Peter jumps out of the boat and swims to shore even though the boat wasn’t very far from shore. The rest of the disciples just rowed to shore.
• In Acts, Peter is starving and falls into a trance/vision in which God sends a sheet down from heaven with all sorts of “unclean” animals (unclean according to Jewish tradition) and God tells him to “kill and eat” but Peter tells God no, because he thinks himself too devout to eat something “unclean”. God rebukes Peter and tells him not to call anything unclean that God has made clean.
• Again in Acts, Peter becomes afraid of the judgement and condemnation of the Jewish Christians (he’s afraid that they’ll dislike him if they see him hanging out with the Gentile believers) and so he removes himself from the Gentiles and Paul rebukes him in the name of the Gospel.
• Most importantly though, Peter swears before Jesus that he won’t forsake him, and then that very night, denies Jesus 3 times even after Jesus predicted it.

To summarize, Peter is a man of rash action and little thought. He fails to count the cost all the time. He is full of passion but lacks finesse. If Life in the Spirit is like navigating a maze, he exerts a lot of force trying to run through the walls rather than navigate around them. And consequentially falls down a lot. His pride gets bruised frequently. He tries to succeed by his own power. He succumbs to fear. But then he comes back to Jesus’ love for him and does great things. Here is the contrast:

• After receiving the Spirit at Pentecost, Peter preaches Jesus to the crowds and with unwaivering faith and confidence in God, heals a crippled beggar without needing Jesus’ bodily supervision.
• He leads the Jewish Church.
• He writes two letters and his style changes from that of a foot-in-mouth fool to a man of humility and undeniable love for Christ Jesus, which manifests itself in authority to give spiritual advice.
• After Jesus rises, he asks Peter 3 times if he loves Jesus. 3 times Peter says “Yes” and by the third time, the Bible says Peter is hurt that Jesus asks him 3 times. That Jesus questions Peter’s love for Him 3 times. Jesus tells him to take care of the Church. The heading says “Jesus reinstates Peter” and Jesus asking 3 times if Peter loved Jesus was (more or less) Peter’s redemption for denying Jesus 3 times.
• Ultimately, Peter is crucified upside down (if memory serves) at Peter’s own request, because he says he is unworthy to die the same death as Jesus. At the end of John, Jesus predicts this and the author (presumably John) says, “Jesus said these things to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God.”

After all of Peter’s mistakes, Jesus still loves him, reinstates him, and continues to use him to spread His name. This is encouraging to me. I am definitely more Peter than Paul. I need to be constantly reminded of God’s love and forgiveness. I need to know that Jesus is mighty to forgive a wretch like me.

As an anecdote, in all of the Gospels no personality is given so much detail as Peter (except Jesus, obviously). I don’t think Jesus interacts with anyone by name more than Peter. Peter is a real person to me. His erroneous nature is what gives him credibility to me. Other authors write and I forget that they aren’t just personality-less narrators, but I know Peter–I relate to him. In Peter’s letters, I know He is the one writing. If he says something about Jesus or God, it’s legit to me. He’s been in my shoes in many senses.

If you want to be “the right party”, have some integrity. Make your values paramount, and not just in public appearance. Promote leaders who are righteous men and women rather than the whiny politicians with whom American voters have become so disenfranchised. If you’re going to sell your candidates on Christian values, support them when they choose those values over the blaspheming* entity that the GOP has become. Support leaders who love God or at least America more than the GOP brand and who are willing to regard themselves, their party, and their “opponents” with sober judgment; contrary to worshiping the party and demonizing their opponents. It would actually be really cool to see some of your politicians concede to their opponents (either those competing for the same position within their party or even those in another party) if they know their opponents will be more capable leaders. Perhaps your politicians could seek advice from successful leaders of yesteryear: maybe even those from the Democrat side?

To your credit, I like a lot of the things you claim to stand for, but now, if you really want my vote, you need to actually stand for those things in your lives. Move beyond your rhetoric, or at least change your rhetoric to concede that you are human and not gods. Your words are miles ahead of your actions.

No, the dems aren’t any better in general, but you can be. Rise to the occasion. Of course, this is risky because the American populace will probably not elect you. But then again, you won’t be in it to win it: you’ll be in it to serve the country. Moreover, to compromise one’s values to gain power inevitably results in the abuse of power attained. It’s better to exercise well the little power God has given you than it is to take for yourself a lot of power and abuse it. And maybe, little by little, settling for lower positions but filling those positions well and holding to your integrity, you (the GOP) can gain ground all the way up to the Presidency. After all, you can’t be trusted with a lot until you can prove yourself with a little. So prove it.

Sincerely,

Craig

*blaspheming: by this I mean the GOP irreverently uses the name of God to buy votes–not that they are the only political party to do so by any means, but just because “everyone is doing it” doesn’t make them less guilty–other parties will reap their own judgment.

In the back of my head I suppose I always just thought that my family has always had this midwest American culture and for how proud we Americans are of our nationality (especially today, Independence Day), it’s remarkable that we aren’t separated by more than a couple hundred years.

My Grandpa Weber (my dad’s dad) came over for lunch today and I asked him who was the first generation to come from Germany. He said it was his grandpa who came over when he was seventeen. Grandpa’s grandpa pronounced his last name ‘Veber’ (the German pronunciation) and he obviously spoke German. Grandpa’s dad even spoke a little of it but grew up with English as his primary language, and by the time my Grandpa was growing up, he didn’t understand the German but heard them speak it occasionally.

Apparently either my great Grandpa or my great-great Grandpa documented a little of the history and my grandparents have the book. I’m eager to read it.

My great-great Grandpa came from a city in Germany near Trier, along the German-French border (or at least what used to be the German-French border–it’s shifted around a few times so I’m not really sure which border my Grandpa was referring to). Apparently Grandpa toured near that town in WWII, but obviously never stopped to tour the place. On a side note, it is a little ironic that he was fighting against the country from which he descended. Grandpa also visited Germany on a couple of other occasions but I don’t think he ever made it to his grandpa’s town.

After college I kind of want to make a trip to Europe and I want to make it a point to visit there. In the mean time, I want to do a little more research: read that book, look into the records at Ellis Island and see if my great-great grandpa came through there, and then maybe look into the ancestors of the rest of my family (my mom’s great-grandparents and my dad’s mom’s grandparents). Additionally, according to the German girl at work, the German government (because of its historical instability and, until recently, lack of sense of nationality) never kept good records; however, individual communities–specifically churches did keep good records. So there’s a chance that I’ll be able to look up information even beyond my great-great grandpa. And if I go to Europe, I may as well look into my other great-great grandparents if I can find out information about them. I’m excited.

Click the image for an explanation / to see the flickr page for this image.

I gave this post a generic name. It’s late (1:20 AM) and I’m tired of thinking. Here are my thoughts tonight in no particular order:

Seth and I smoked cigars tonight on my porch and had some pretty great conversation. I’ve just come to love our friendship and he’s actually taught me a lot about how a friendship should be. Or at least how friendship can be when we let ourselves be ourselves around our friends.

I also dug through some of my photos that I took with my pointandshoot camera (at the God’s Mountain mission trip) and I am surprisingly impressed with a lot of them, considering they weren’t taken with a DSLR. Evidently the on-camera photo-processing on the pointandshoot is a lot more finely-tuned (albeit there is less control) than my Canon 20D and the pictures usually end up looking even better than the ones I take with the 20D and then edit. The color contrast/saturation settings are just amazing. At least I like them, but I am only an amateur photographer. And an amateur Photoshopper. Click here to see the ones I posted to my Flickr account (all from the pointandshoot on the God’s Mountain mission trip).

The trip itself (I don’t recall if I’ve posted any kind of a summary yet, and I’m too lazy to check) took place in March over spring break at God’s Mountain, Missouri. The weather was considerably warmer than it was in Iowa and I remember sweating (I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt) the last day of the trip even though it was only 60 degrees out. (60 degrees in Iowa during the winter = tropical; 60 degrees in Iowa during the summer = freezing). We helped to do a lot of construction work at an amazing Christian youth camp. I met a lot of great people and had an amazing time. I got to learn a lot about myself and about God through hard work and great community/fellowship (I think those words have become cliches in the Christian community, but I don’t have anything to better describe it). It was amazing and I suddenly realize how much I miss it. The leadership over the mission trip and the camp staff were great people with hearts for God’s kingdom and it was really inspiring. I can’t overemphasize the inspiration of it all. Perhaps I’ll go into more detail later if I haven’t already.

Anyways, it is officially the 4th of July, so I wish a happy Independence Day to my American readers and an uneventful July day to everyone else. Kidding. It is also the kick-off of my hometown (Jesup, Iowa)’s 150th anniversary celebration (150th = sesquicentennial… I just think “150th” is easier). Have a good night, all.

the actual flickr page is here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/51426634@N03/4731991208/

I haven’t posted in a while. Mostly because this summer has been busy with work. I don’t mind working a lot, it’s just unfortunate how few hours I am left with each day. Anyways, more recently my small quantity of leisure time has been devoted to my latest hobby: photography.

A couple of Tuesdays ago I bought a camera (a Canon EOS 20D for the camera-savvy) which is one of those large cameras that real photographers use (for the less savvy). From what I understand, the tech in the 20D is ~5 years old which is an eternity in the digital age; however, I’ve found there are ways to subjugate that problem (specifically taking the raw image data from your sensor without having your camera process it neatly and then putting it on the PC and doing the processing there, since the PC has much more power than the camera–this is called post-processing).

I’ve done a lot of research over the last few months and I’ve devoted more time than I care to admit studying “good” photographs on Flickr (Flickr in general has become an obsession of mine). In my research, I’ve learned a lot about lenses, camera processing, lighting, etc and it turns out there’s a lot more to taking good pictures than pointing and clicking. But I’m a nerd, so I’m always excited to learn new things like this. Here are some things I’m learning so far:

Lenses: In my very limited experience with the craft, far and away the most interesting aspect of photography is lens selection. There’s a lot to them and they impact the final photograph more than almost anything else.

Lighting: This seems like something someone could study for a lifetime and never figure out. Different lighting yields different effects and it seems like one just has to take enough pictures (gain experience) to get a feel for how lighting will affect the photograph. Fortunately, in the digital age, the quantity of pictures one can take is limited only to the time one invests in it–there is no expensive film to print in order to see the final product. Anyways, moral of the story, light can and does make-and-break photographs and there really aren’t any hard-and-fast scientific rules for what light makes a good picture.

I’ll probably devote a decent portion of this blog to photography from here on out and I’ll upload some of my pictures. I’m not in any way proficient yet, but this blog and my Flickr photostream will hopefully serve to document my progress.

Also, it should be noted that, as a hobbyist web-developer of ~5 years, I’m a lot more proficient at Photoshop than I am at photography (but even at that I’m not used to editing photographs so much as I am general web graphics). At any rate, I’d love to hear what you think.

Thanks!

1) Freedom from censorship, not consequence. Speech may be free from censorship, but that doesn’t mean that we are without responsibility regarding what we speak. Speaking recklessly still has consequences. To restate, “free speech” refers to speech which is free from censorship, not consequence. You may have the right to speak offensively, but you should understand that, free or not, offensive speech still has consequences.

2) Self-censorship is protected by, not in violation of, free speech. Just because our “right to free speech” protects provocative and offensive speech doesn’t mean we are required to speak as offensively as possible in the name of free speech. The same free speech that protects your right to make offensive statements also protects my right to abstain from making those same statements. The right to free speech encompasses the right to be respectful speech—just because I don’t speak offensively for the sake of offending doesn’t mean I’m an opponent of free speech, it just means that I am responsible to speak provocatively only when it is necessary and unavoidable.

3) Responsibility. Points 1 and 2 can be tied together with this term. Free speech (and other freedoms) entail responsibility. I have the right to speak freely, but I have the responsibility (social, ethical, and moral) to speak constructively. And when any responsibility is not met, there are consequences—this is to be expected. This is an important part of the social contract and moral mandates.

So in conclusion, yes, you have the right to offend the Muslim community today insofar as free speech goes, but that same freedom also makes you responsible for the consequences that come from your destructiveness. Were you really concerned for free speech, I think you would find a more creative and constructive way to find it. Using hate and offensiveness is rather lazy and destructive, moreover, it will do more harm for your supposed cause than good.

I pray that God changes our [believers'] hearts and gives us opportunities to share His love to people who need to know about it, like in the following story. I pray that he wakes us up from our monotony so we can share life with the dead. I just pray that I can be part of this great adventure that is God’s work on Earth. I pray that he would use my humble life to reach out to a broken and dying world. I want my life to look like this, at least on occasion:

To Write Love On Her Arms

Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won’t see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she’d say if her story had an audience. She smiles. “Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars.”

I would rather write her a song, because songs don’t wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.

Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn’t slept in 36 hours and she won’t for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she’ll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn’t ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.

She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of “friends” offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write “FUCK UP” large across her left forearm.

The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.

She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I’ve known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she’s beautiful. I think it’s God reminding her.

I’ve never walked this road, but I decide that if we’re going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes

Thursday night she is in the balcony for Band Marino, Orlando’s finest. They are indie-folk-fabulous, a movement disguised as a circus. She loves them and she smiles when I point out the A&R man from Atlantic Europe, in town from London just to catch this show.

She is in good seats when the Magic beat the Sonics the next night, screaming like a lifelong fan with every Dwight Howard dunk. On the way home, we stop for more coffee and books, Blue Like Jazz and (Anne Lamott’s) Travelling Mercies.

On Saturday, the Taste of Chaos tour is in town and I’m not even sure we can get in, but doors do open and minutes after parking, we are on stage for Thrice, one of her favorite bands. She stands ten feet from the drummer, smiling constantly. It is a bright moment there in the music, as light and rain collide above the stage. It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.

Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We’re talking to God but I think as much, we’re talking to her, telling her she’s loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she’s inspired.

After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.

She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She’s had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn’t have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.

As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: “The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope.”

I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we’re called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.

We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she’s known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don’t get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won’t solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we’re called home.

I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars. She would ask you to remember.