Charity

So I’m preparing to enter into this world of service. I’m trying to prepare my heart for selflessness and such so as to not view it as something to “appease God” or “lessen my debt to Him” and such (rather, I want to view it as something I can do for Him and for His people out of gratitude for all he did for me). On the whole, it’s going really well. I genuinely want to help people. I want to make a difference.

However, another part of me is affraid that I won’t be able to overcome this disease of Self. That I’ll fall back into my rutt and view people whom I’m helping as less than me… As undeserving of my charity. I don’t want to feel like I’m being gracious or whatever towards them. In fact, I want that to be the difference I make in their lives–I want to show them that even though everyone else might find me more valuable (because of my race, economic status, etc), that’s all a lie. I want to believe that. And obviously I do, intellectually, but I want that sentiment to shake the core of who I am. I want to die to myself and live for God and others.

My other big fear regarding service is that I’m afraid I’ll close myself off to those whom I’m serving because I think they’ll judge me for one reason or another. I don’t want to be insecure and defensive and closed off…

So today, my prayer is for humility. And the security and courage to Love without fear. I sincerely want to be compassionate towards those people who don’t know about God’s love. I want to see them through Jesus’ eyes.

May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. – Galatians 6:14