Relationshipping

Some nights are just made for a warm cup of tea, a good conversation with a good friend, reading and/or writing, and Death Cab in the background.

Tonight was just such a night. I spoke with one of my friends and she had to tell me a simple truth that was honest, inoffensive, but “impolite” by society’s terms. And for such an impolite person, that cost her a little bit to do so, but it was worth it to her, I think. And I really enjoy mature, well-intended, constructive criticism.

I really think honest communication enriches relationships, even if especially when that honesty isn’t easy.

Good night and peace.

Love Somebody

This is a copy/paste of one of Derek’s Facebook notes.  We’ve been talking a lot about this lately and I’m really glad he wrote this. I know it’s something he’s been frustrated with lately, so it’s pretty raw, which is great. Here it is:

I have a lot of frustration with my world lately. I feel like no one wants to be honest. No one wants to seek the things that really matter. Everyone is so concerned with what everyone else thinks of them that they end up wearing a mask in every setting they’re in. Someone who is blatantly honest about the way they are feeling is seen as rude. It’s socially unacceptable. It makes people uncomfortable when someone shares what is really going on inside them. But isn’t that the most important? What is a friendship or relationship based on if that isn’t acceptable?

We all act like everything is 100% peachy all the time. There is no way that is reality. In a world as messed up as this one, someone we interact with on a daily basis is probably having a bad day for one reason or another. Either we don’t care enough to really ask someone how they’re really doing or when someone does ask us that question, we don’t say how we’re really feeling. We lie. We put on the happy mask that says everything in my life is great! How do we ever expect to help each other and really be there for each other if we aren’t transparent enough to tell people how we’re really doing? How do we ever expect other people to overcome struggle in their lives when we won’t even admit our own?

What is and isn’t socially acceptable annoys the crap out of me. If someone says “Come and talk to me if you need anything,” then mean it. It’s that simple. If you want to be there for someone, then be there for someone. That person is not usually going to ask you for help when they’re really down. They’re not going to want to talk about it. IF you’re a true friend, then love on them. Do something. Take initiative. It doesn’t mean you need to be the Dr. Phil in their lives. Just be there. It doesn’t take much too really show someone you care about them.

It seems to me that there are so many things that are backwards in my life. I would tell you that the friendships I have in my life are very important to me. I feel like they should be more important than a night of studying. Yet how easy is it to use school as an excuse to not spend time with someone? “Oh, believe me I would hang out with you, but I’ve got a busy next three weeks. How about sometime during Christmas break?” Congratulations. You’ve just succeeded in making someone feel like they don’t matter to you. Of course you’re busy. We’re all busy. Busy is easy to do in our society. It’s slowing down that’s hard. Take time to love somebody.

Denial

This is where I spend most of my life.

This is also a major root as to why I’m dishonest with others.

When I stop trying to cover up the truths that I feel threaten me (that I’m not a “good” person, that I have a good understanding of God, that I’m cool, that I’m in control/have power, etc), I realize they’re not as scary and they’re also true of everyone.

I believe the same is true of you.

Also, when I’m honest with myself, I can be honest about myself with others which helps them realize truth isn’t that scary. It also lets you build a healthy, trusting relationship with that person.

I hate clichés but…

Honesty is the best policy. Damn.

What I learned this Thanksgiving:

I was reflecting on one of my favorite relationships earlier today and this is what I learned from it:

It occurs to me that God’s love for us is very much like a man’s love for a very pretty, yet high-maintenance [read "prideful" or "a little full of herself"] woman. On the surface, it would appear that the woman is using the man to feed her ego–as if the lies of her superior value have tricked him into respecting her. But no–the man is fully aware that the qualities that make the woman think she has value (the things she prides herself in) are in fact thte things that enslave her. Because of his love for her, he pities her for these things instead of loving her for them. He loves her in SPITE of these things. He knows the miserable existence her own arrogance creates for her and his love seeks to free her from it.

Jesus doesn’t love us for how religious we think we are. We haven’t fooled him into thinking we’re good or worthy people. He looks through these lies and sees the scared, pathetic creatures that we really are and loves us for that alone (as opposed for the lies we create to trick him into loving us). He loves us in spite of the lies we tell him about how attractive, cool, religious, or smart we are. We can’t convince him that we have value. At least beyond what he already sees. God is okay with how we are. We needn’t do anything more to earn his love. He doesn’t care that we’re broken (I mean, he cares, but it doesn’t stop him from loving us). We can’t earn it. We can’t even explain it. Period.