Some Points From My Week

10Apr10

DISCLAIMER: I just realized this theme doesn’t do bullet points. I’ll see about fixing this later. For now I must sleep. Enjoy the post, the parts that are formatted funny should have bullets in front of them. Use your imaginations. Peace out.

This week was sort of tumultuous (as in turmoil-filled, I think. Link here for definition as I had to look it up for this post)… Mostly just peppered with drama and some general rebelliousness on my part.

Some realizations about myself:

  • I have difficulty developing and maintaining deep relationships with other men. This is due largely in part to my own insecurities. I want to fix this but I don’t know where to begin…
  • I can be really arrogant, particularly towards other men. This is coupled with the previous bullet-point. I think I feel the need to earn respect as a preventative measure. It’s stupid. I want it to die. God is helping me.
  • I’ve been hiding a lot of my darkness from myself. I’m a lot more damaged than I thought I was before the week began. I think I’m just breaking the surface of finding out the dark things about me, which is the first part of repairing them. It is going to be a long process and I think this ‘humility’ thing will be a big component in my life and I anticipate tripping and falling a lot on the way. But I’m excited to be humble.

This is a good time to pause for a brief, related story. My friend Kristen has this really neat metaphor for our spiritual walk. It goes like this: on the spiritual plane (plain? I don’t know… dang English…) we look like black silhouettes with small transparent ‘holes’ through which God’s light shines. The more deeply we go in relationship with Him the more transparent we become–the more we stop being the focus and the more God becomes the focus. We tend to make ourselves more opaque to draw attention away from God and towards ourselves. In the Bible, John The Baptist says of Jesus, “I must become less so He may become greater”. In other words, I need to become more transparent so the focus shifts from me to God. Jesus also says this when he talks about Salt and Light when he says, “let your light shine before men so they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” I have to constantly remind myself that it says “…and praise my Father in heaven.” and not “and praise me.”

Now back to the bullets:

  • The guys who went on the Missouri mission trip are throwing a prom night for the girls. We’re going to cook and serve them supper formal-style and then dance with them.
    • For me, this is a great opportunity for me to focus on other people and making them happy rather than seeking out my own happiness. It’s also a great way to show Christ’s love to women in a society where women really aren’t treated with respect, and it’s an opportunity for me to lead through service and by example. I’m really looking forward to it.
    • Us guys have been planning it for a few weeks. Yesterday we got dressed up in shirts-and-ties and delivered formal invitations on fancy cardstock to our female friends and even had the opportunity to embarrass a few in front of their class mates as they were leaving class. It was a lot of fun and the girls seem really excited. This makes me very excited.
    • It is refreshing do do something to make someone else happy.
  • Homework has come a-knockin’. Here’s a brief rundown of my academic responsibilities, which have crept up on me
    • My digital signal processing project is due on Monday. It has been a pain in the neck. I found out that I’m smarter than a computer when it comes to if/else logic for the second time in two years. For some reason saying if(statement1 && statement2) is acceptable syntax, however, the computer ignores it regardless of whether it is true or false. It does this for Matlab (a highly respected engineering software) and for our microcomputer software from last year. It might just be the lab software but no one has been able to figure it out to date. Frustrating.
    • My Personal Wellness test is next Wednesday. I will spend the next 4 days cramming for this test and I’ll probably get 75% at best, because the tests are filled with trick-questions. Last week I walked in 10 minutes late to a test in one of my engineering classes. The test was open-notes. My notes were on my computer. At my house. I aced the test. In my engineering class. But I’m spending the better part of a week studying for a glorified P.E. class. Moral of the story: being healthy is harder than being an engineer. This is why America is obese.
    • My Personal Wellness homework is all due on the day of the test. I’ve had months to do this but I procrastinated it. Go figure.
    • Homework for another class is due the day before the test. This shouldn’t be much of a problem except for everything else.
    • I need to get rolling on a project for a different class… I have a lot to do and I haven’t started it yet. It will probably take the rest of the year.
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